10 Worst College Nicknames

10. Orange – I’m so reluctant to put the Orange on the list because I love Syracuse, but it has to be done.  Orange is a color, not a nickname.  They should’ve stuck with Orangemen.

9. Rainbow Warriors – The Rainbow Warriors.  What a great nickname.  Too bad all I keep seeing in my head is a couple of angry marchers in a gay pride parade.

8. Blue Devils – “Devils are red.” - Jesus

7. Aggies – You are the agriculture majors.  Pretty intimidating.  Also, aggie is just such an unpleasant word.  It makes me think of an old lady throwing up.

6. Buckeyes – A buckeye is a tree…

5. Hilltoppers – Also known as the vague, yet less extreme mountain climbers.  Here are some other nicknames Western Kentucky might want to try out: Large Cats, Guys with Weapons, or Fish That Eat Other Fish.

4. Hoyas – When I researched what a hoya is, I found that no one even knows.  A hoya is nothing.  What a great nickname for your school.  The most accepted story is that Georgetown used to have a cheer called “Hoya Saxa” that means “What Rocks” in Latin.  So you’re the What’s.  Oh boy.

3. Tar Heels – Here’s another nickname that no one has a clue about, including the university.  There are some stories about why they picked the name, but they are, for the most part, just made up so they don’t look like complete idiots over there in North Carolina.  Tar Heels is an even worse nickname than the nothingness that Georgetown is.  You are dirty parts of feet.  No.

2. Sooners – After researching, I found that a sooner is a person who illegally settled lands in the Western United States before it was officially made available.  Oh, ok so you are a bunch of cheaters.  It all makes sense now.  The Oklahoma Cheaters.

1. Cornhuskers – God Nebraska, shut up about your corn already.  All of the other 49 states know that you love corn.  You didn’t have to reference it your university’s nickname.  You husk corn…  This is for sure the worst nickname in sports.  Not to mention, it sounds like an insult they throw around in Nebraska.

10 Dumbest-Looking Pokémon

10. Gloom – What a great way to start off this dumbest-looking Pokémon list.  Gloom looks like it has serious damage to its cerebellum.  Perhaps the only Pokémon that looks like it is affected by all the statuses (Paralysis, Confusion, Poison, Sleep) all the time.  Half the time you forget to put it into battle because you thought it was already fainted.

9. Diglett – The last thing I want a Pokémon to be modeled after is a bowel movement, and that is precisely what you ended up giving me.

 8. Weepinbell – Talk about failed design.  Weepinbell is supposed to be a flower or something, but instead it looks like a condom.  A yellow condom with leaves on the sides (for her pleasure).

 

7. Voltorb – It’s a Poké Ball… with eyes.  I guess the creators were one Pokémon short.

 

6. Jynx – Oh Jynx, you truly are the racist shot in the world of Pokémon.  I don’t even know what to say about Jynx.  It’s just an overall terrible Pokémon.  It’s a Pokémon modeled after a woman.  It’s essentially a Gastly in a dress with a wig on.  Has anyone else noticed that Jynx, Gastly, and Cloyster all have the same face?  Because I definitely have.  You can’t fool me Pokémon creators.

 

  5. Muk – This Pokémon is literally a pile of crap. Muk is a pile of purple crap.  The only reason I chose Muk over Grimer is because Muk shares a stronger resemblance to what dogs leave in the yard.  I imagine the designers took a while on this one.

4. Ditto – Ditto is the same as Muk but with even less effort put into its creation.  Ditto is just another purple blob with even less detail and a face that looks like it was draw on by a preschooler.  Look at the eyes.  They are merely dots.  Look at the mouth.  It’s just nothingness.  Everyone knows Ditto is only good at being the sex slave for every Pokémon in your storage system.

 3. Porygon – I bet you didn’t even remember Porygon being a Pokémon until just now.  Porygon is so stupid.  It looks like someone tried to sculpt a dog in a YMCA art class and then gave it a bad paint job to top it off.

2. Dragonite – I’m aware that this is one of a lot of people’s favorite Pokémon, but for a dragon, Dragonite looks so dumb.  Dragonite looks like it belongs in Dragon Tales (Maybe it started in Dragon Tales, got lost in the channels, and ended up in Pokémon?).  What kind of Dragon is fat?  Dragons are supposed to be beast and burning stuff.  The only thing that Dragonite wishes it could burn is a few calories.  Also, look at its wings.  How is this fat dragon going to get through the air with those tiny wings?  It just doesn’t make sense.  Oh yeah, and I’m pretty sure it’s head was modeled after Homer Simpson’s.  Look at its picture.  It’s waving… Dragons don’t wave.

1. Exeggcute – EGGS?!?!?!  You have got to be kidding me.  Catching Pokémon has officially become grocery shopping.  Stupid stupid stupid.  Also, this Pokémon is actually made up of multiple creatures.  It’s a group of one Pokémon.  Does that make sense?  I don’t think a singular thing can be multiple things.  Exeggcute is creating a rift in the Pokémon space-time continuum.

10 Things I Don't Like About College

10. Online Homework - Any kind of internet problem means you're screwed.

9. Working with Classmates - I came to your class, and you have the audacity to make me work with another student?  I don't want to interact with anyone at 9 in the morning, and you think discussing DNA replication is going to help that?

8. Walking - There is so much walking in college.  Some days you dread the walk to class more than the class itself.

7. Exposure To Weather - This goes along with walking.  Remember the old days where you used to drive through the rain in the comfort of your car?  Well that's not happening anymore.  If it's raining, you got to take it just like you're in a prison shower.  I went to class in the rain one day, and my shoes didn't dry out until four days later.

6. Registration - Why can't this be like high school?  Just tell me what to take, and I'll beast it out.  Now I have to be responsible for everything I need to take, and I'm pretty sure I don't understand the graduation requirements.  So much pressure.

5. Threat of Getting Beat Up - I'm not sure what the rapes/beatings/murders are like at other colleges, but here at the University of Illinois, it's rough.  There's a gang, which I like to refer to as the Green Street Gang, going around beating the shit out of people for no reason at all.  Just the other day, some kid was coming out of a lecture hall at 7pm, and they bashed his face in.  7pm???  7pm is so early. I'm pretty sure Nick @ Nite doesn't even start until 8, and these gangsters are out on the hunt at 7.

4. I Have To Act Like I Like College Football - Nobody likes college football. I'm pretty sure the only reason the athletes play is to get free tuition.  The final of the Illinois game I just watched last weekend was 67-65.  This is not a football score.  This is the score of a high school basketball game.  Play some defense.

3. Tiny "Desks" - This is one of the stupider things in college and in life now that I think about it.  As we get bigger our desks get smaller??  This makes no sense, but it's true.  In preschool we share giant work tables, and then we work our way up to the 8"x6" pieces of crap in college.  You can't even function properly with these things.  During my statistics exams I have to put the scantron on the "desk", rest my test packet on my lap, palm my calculator in my left hand, and write with my right hand.  It's quite the spectacle.  I'm surprised people aren't flocking in to watch me.

2. Laundry - Laundry is terrible.  Laundry is a never-ending task.  Just a constant cycle of dirty clothes.  Also, laundry costs money, and on top of that, you're hard pressed to find an empty machine because the kids around here like to let their clothes sit in there for days.

1. Bikes - Man, I hate bikes.  I hate bikes so much that I have to break this one down into three subcategories.
          A. Bikes On the Sidewalks - You are not supposed to ride on the sidewalk.  This is where I walk with my walking brethren.  Go ride in the street, and good luck not getting hit by cars.
          B. Kids Riding with No Hands - OH MY GOD!! You are so sweet!!!!  Wait a second.  You're not sweet.  As a matter of fact, you're a douche bag.  There is nothing more stupid looking than a kid riding his bike with his hands straight down at his sides.  "Oh my arms are tired, so I'm going to let them rest."  Um... maybe you didn't notice the two handlebars in front of you.  I think they're typically used for resting your arms on, but I'm not sure.
          C. Kids Zooming Through Campus - You're at the University of Illinois, not some mountain in France.  You don't need to be pumping along at Lance Armstrong-like speeds.  These kids just fly by, and as a normal person (walking pedestrian), you better watch out.  I'm pretty sure these kids are more dangerous than the Green Street Gang.