10. Online Homework - Any kind of internet problem means you're screwed.
9. Working with Classmates - I came to your class, and you have the audacity to make me work with another student? I don't want to interact with anyone at 9 in the morning, and you think discussing DNA replication is going to help that?
8. Walking - There is so much walking in college. Some days you dread the walk to class more than the class itself.
7. Exposure To Weather - This goes along with walking. Remember the old days where you used to drive through the rain in the comfort of your car? Well that's not happening anymore. If it's raining, you got to take it just like you're in a prison shower. I went to class in the rain one day, and my shoes didn't dry out until four days later.
6. Registration - Why can't this be like high school? Just tell me what to take, and I'll beast it out. Now I have to be responsible for everything I need to take, and I'm pretty sure I don't understand the graduation requirements. So much pressure.
5. Threat of Getting Beat Up - I'm not sure what the rapes/beatings/murders are like at other colleges, but here at the University of Illinois, it's rough. There's a gang, which I like to refer to as the Green Street Gang, going around beating the shit out of people for no reason at all. Just the other day, some kid was coming out of a lecture hall at 7pm, and they bashed his face in. 7pm??? 7pm is so early. I'm pretty sure Nick @ Nite doesn't even start until 8, and these gangsters are out on the hunt at 7.
4. I Have To Act Like I Like College Football - Nobody likes college football. I'm pretty sure the only reason the athletes play is to get free tuition. The final of the Illinois game I just watched last weekend was 67-65. This is not a football score. This is the score of a high school basketball game. Play some defense.
3. Tiny "Desks" - This is one of the stupider things in college and in life now that I think about it. As we get bigger our desks get smaller?? This makes no sense, but it's true. In preschool we share giant work tables, and then we work our way up to the 8"x6" pieces of crap in college. You can't even function properly with these things. During my statistics exams I have to put the scantron on the "desk", rest my test packet on my lap, palm my calculator in my left hand, and write with my right hand. It's quite the spectacle. I'm surprised people aren't flocking in to watch me.
2. Laundry - Laundry is terrible. Laundry is a never-ending task. Just a constant cycle of dirty clothes. Also, laundry costs money, and on top of that, you're hard pressed to find an empty machine because the kids around here like to let their clothes sit in there for days.
1. Bikes - Man, I hate bikes. I hate bikes so much that I have to break this one down into three subcategories.
A. Bikes On the Sidewalks - You are not supposed to ride on the sidewalk. This is where I walk with my walking brethren. Go ride in the street, and good luck not getting hit by cars.
B. Kids Riding with No Hands - OH MY GOD!! You are so sweet!!!! Wait a second. You're not sweet. As a matter of fact, you're a douche bag. There is nothing more stupid looking than a kid riding his bike with his hands straight down at his sides. "Oh my arms are tired, so I'm going to let them rest." Um... maybe you didn't notice the two handlebars in front of you. I think they're typically used for resting your arms on, but I'm not sure.
C. Kids Zooming Through Campus - You're at the University of Illinois, not some mountain in France. You don't need to be pumping along at Lance Armstrong-like speeds. These kids just fly by, and as a normal person (walking pedestrian), you better watch out. I'm pretty sure these kids are more dangerous than the Green Street Gang.
